Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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