Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
