i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
