i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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