I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
