I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
