I think I died a long time ago.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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