Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
