Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
