there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
