Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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