matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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