Welp...herpes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
