I wish I could teleport
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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