I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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