last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
