My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ttyl tear gas
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
