I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
