And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
