Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
