New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's shark week go big or go home
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
