I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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