I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
