the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
