the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
