When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Terrible idea I love it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
