How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
