If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
