I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
