You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
