it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
