Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
