Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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