I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
