come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
