mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
