I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
