I accidentally had phone sex last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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