I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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