Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
