Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
