Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
