my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
