Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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