I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
