Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
