True but thats because hes a fetus.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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