I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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