FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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