so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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