Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
