That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
