when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
