so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
