"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
