i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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