I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
