found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
