you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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