We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
