5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
