you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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