I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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