Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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