Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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