She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
